Dating and Appetizers.

Just shy of twenty-two I never truly have had the opportunity of dating.  Good, old, classic dating.  You know, when you meet this random person, exchange numbers in hopes of the other returning your attempts at continuing a relationship, then heading out into the world for that awkward and mysterious first rendezvous.  That idea never held any sort of appeal to me, I mean, come on, most of us do our best to avoid any kind of awkward situation.  This all recently changed for me.  I finally got to experience my first, real date!  This then led me to thinking, perhaps I’ve been experiencing this dating life all along, and it just wasn’t necessarily what one may deem as the standard.  What defines a true date?  Dinner and a movie, drinks and casual get to know each other conversations, maybe even beer goggling each other all night only to head back to a place of residence for a nice, intoxicating shag.  In the spirit of being a devotedly honest writer, the last two of those options seem to be my dating experience; if we can call it that and boy, let me tell you, has it blessed me with some interesting stories.  Without this urging desire to settle down any time soon, I have taken full advantage of indulging in the dating scene as of recent.  This has led me to experiences with musical prodigies, sloppy kissers and even pretentious tanning bed using gym rats.  Quite the assortment, but I don’t think I’ve ever really had a type. 

         Not only does it grant me with fantastic stories to tell, I’ve also gained a great deal of knowledge from such experiences.  First and foremost, under no circumstances, should you casually sleep with your friends.  It may seem like a great idea, but it’s not, at all.  You can only keep it casual for so long before one wants what the other does not, and that is enough to destroy not only all your uninhibited good times, but it can also destroy seven years of friendship, lesson learned.  Secondly, if you have friends of the opposite sex, don’t make the mistake of thinking it is a good idea to enter a relationship with one of their friends.  Even if your expectations in each other have been solidly established, dating one of their friends will undoubtedly stir things, and it probably will not end in a desirable way, lesson also learned.  Lastly, if you enjoy some body’s company, as soon as you’re enough drinks in to find yourself out at the bar, and it’s late, they’re announcing last call, put your damn phone down.  I don’t care what anyone says in regards to trying to make the infamous drunk texts sound cute, “you’re the one they’re thinking about when they’re too inebriated to think of anything else”, does not justify the complete and utter nonsense that will surely flow through your fingers to their phone.  It’s not a good time for anyone, not for them, and most definitely not for you when you shakily discover what was said the next morning.  Currently in the process of learning said lesson. 

         Of course, aside from what I may consider to be the most recent, major lessons learned, there are lesser lessons of equal importance.  Just because someone may be a bad kisser, does not make them a complete write off.  That guy you held no desire to text back the next day, will not become any more interesting if you wait a week to get back to him.  And most importantly, patience and persistence really do pay off; you’ll make that goal if you can manage to stick it out, even if it takes a couple months.

         Dating is a whirlwind of encounters.  From great to bad, mind-blowing to mind-boggling, it is definitely the kind of thing everyone should get to experience to its fullest.  I may even go as far as to consider it an essential on the path of growing.  You learn an incredible amount in regards to your self, such things you may not realize through any other sort of living.  So keep on dating, it certainly never gets dull in this vibrant city.

You win some, you lose some.

Two thousand thirteen, 2013, what a fucking year.  And by all means, please excuse my crude language, I just honestly have run out of rated PG words to use that describe this year better.  No, that's a lie, surprising, exciting, adventurous, stressful, scary, all much more appropriate words that would fit just fine.  I just feel like what a fucking year really sums it up to par.  I didn't know it was possible for so many life altering events to happen in the run of 365 days.  As a sort of tribute, I'm going to run a quick play by play for I feel as long as I have my memory, this will not be the year that holds events I'll soon forget.

Bring it back to the beginning of last year, I was in Calgary living with my father, terribly unimpressed with my first Alberta winter.  Terribly unimpressed with where my life was period at that time.  So I packed up some bags, spent a week in Penticton, making a healthy amount of bad choices as is the usual for most peoples return trips back to Penticton, then continuing my vacation in Vancouver.  I was all on my own, hanging out in a hostel.  I knew two people in the area, at the time, they had both been long-term friends I couldn't imagine leaving my life anytime soon.  I was only there for a week, but in that week I fell in love.  Vancouver was a sight for sore eyes, and she didn't have any snow.. I'm sure that played on my weaknesses a bit.  I knew in that 7 days I had to live here.

Returning back to Calgary with this new found desire, I planned my return trip to Vancouver for May, just in time for my friend's birthday.

Oops, I'm jumping ahead, before my return trip, I got into a huge fight with my dad, ended up moving out of his house and into my aunt's home, with my two cousins.  I love my dad, an incredible amount.  I do, however, feel that once you leave home, it really is true, you can't go back.  Not permanently at least.  At that point in time I hadn't lived at home since I was about 16.  You can't go from no parents for that long to back to living at your parents house, there was just too much conflict, too much butting heads.  So to my aunt's I went, quickly salvaging my relationship with my father almost instantaneously.  Living with my aunt could easily be one of the best things that's ever happened to me. She's a single mom of two with a fabulous career and so much going for her.  She's a major inspiration in my life, there's not too much that seems to be able to push her down.  Also, the relationship I got to build with my cousins while I was there, it never would have happened any other way. 

I also had a birthday this year, the big ol' two-one!  Making my leisurely activities completely legal across the globe.  My 21st birthday was fantastic.  I got to spend it with a group of lovely ladies, two of which I met while living in Calgary and I'll never forget.  And to top it all off, my aunt decorated to the theme of Alice and Wonderland!  It was a magical night, the disposable camera evidence sure proved that.

So back to Vancouver, it was the weekend of May 11th.  Ironically, at that time, I was completely unaware of meeting two more people I'd have in my life as of current.  And that events that occurred during that weekend visit would help to shape a new relationship, or two, further down the road.  Despite all this, and having an absolute blast, another trip only made me love Vancouver even more.  

Returning home a second time, my sister and I decided to uproot from the chilly Alberta and move to the west coast.  We were going to move to Vancouver.  A big, brand new city where, in retrospect, we really didn't know anyone.  Not really any friends, no family, no fall backs, it was all risk.  We spent 8 months saving as much money as we could.  Our savings account was pretty hefty by the time we made it down here, of course we spent it all within a month.  We moved here with nothing, our house hardly looked like a home for the first month or two.  Now it's as cozy as a bee!  Wait, bees aren't cozy.. it's as cozy as a something cute and soft and inviting!  The whole moving to Vancouver experience did wonders to our relationship.  We road tripped down here, neither of us were allowed to sleep the whole way.  By the end of it, we were both dosing in and out, I had to drive the whole way and by the time we finally got here and settled enough to nap, I had been up for 26 hours!  We've helped each other, when money's been tight, we share.  My sister's my best friend, and living with her has only proved that there's nothing that could ever make me sick of her.

Since living in Vancouver, it seems that this roller coaster of life has only been doing loops.  I've met so many fantastic people, and despite what the circumstances may have been, I don't regret any of them.  I've made some exceptional new friends, ones I know will be around for a really long time.  I've experienced a number of firsts, some I would have been ok to never have had to experience, but that's just life.  Throwing surprise after surprise at you, getting you right in the face 90% of the time.  But with each hardship, each test of what kind of human I could be, I came out of it all ok.  I'm coming out of it ok, better then ok, with a new found confidence that I can handle whatever gets thrown at me.  Even if it doesn't seem like it initially, people always persevere.

In life you will realize there is a role for everyone.  Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you and some will teach you.

I'm a big advocate of taking everything in life as a learning experience, no regrets.  I take everything this year has handed me and look at it as a blessing.  I'm thankful for everyone I've known or met, for those I'm still friends with, for those who were only around for a short time.  This year has brought so many great things, even along side the bad.  I can't wait to see what next year holds.  Happy New Year everyone, I truly hope you all get everything your little hearts desire.

Gypsies, college & life.

Most people desire a purpose in life.  Why are we here?  Do we serve fate in some specific form only the universe is aware of?  Personally I feel this sense of urgency to discover what kind of plan the universe has laid out for me.  It’s not just the people I surround myself with, but the ones I see all over my facebook, at work, everyone seems to know exactly what they’re doing with their lives.  And yes, I am young, being just shy of 22 it may seem as if I have all the time in the world to figure out the course my life should take but it’s hard not to feel pressured to discover such a thing sooner when that’s exactly what everyone expects you to do, and they expect and want it now.  I suppose that’s exactly why I went to school for something that I would never have decided to go to school for, if I had felt the choice was purely just mine.  Business?  What kind of art student goes to school for business?  Not one that I’ve ever heard of.  And to be completely honest, I’m not even sure there’s anything I truly want to go to college for.  In the last while all I was hearing was college students talking about all these school related stresses.  They have to pull another all-nighter for a midterm or final and then a couple of days after that they have numerous assignments all due on the same day.  Then after spending two plus years balancing school with work and whatever else their life might include, they’re stuck paying off the thousands and thousands of dollars they had to borrow to achieve this in the first place.  Maybe I just feel this overwhelming desire to refrain from conforming to what society deems as the most logical way to go about your future.  Who is society to make that decision for me?  I’ve never been one to conform to anyone’s standards of living.  I do me, and for the most part, I’ve done it pretty well.  I just want to find a different way to go about my life, something that isn’t the sociological standard.  I’d much rather take some courses in photography and become a little more travelled.  If I could explore every inch of the world while capturing those moments and building these exquisite memories of adventure, I would be satisfied.  If I could do nothing else with my life, that would be substantial for me.  To be holed up in a classroom for an extensive amount of time, forcing my brain to retain what society claims it must, it just doesn’t hold a sense of appeal to me.  I’d much rather pick up and explore.  Move to LA in hopes of becoming a Disney Princess?  It may seem like a naïve dream, but what else are dreams supposed to look like?

            I guess my mother really did raise me to be a pure blood gypsy soul.

Wanderers, anchors and fate.

I’ve always been somewhat of a free bird, a wanderer at that.  Sticking to one thing for any extended amount of time never quite appealed to me the way it must for others.  Between people, cities, jobs and a variety of experiences I’ve never really involved myself in anything that would keep me tied down.  I love the different lessons that people bring, life lessons not learned any other way, how to deal with rollercoasters of emotions.  Never having anyone stick around for long I’ve been able to learn many different lessons from these people.  Cities, same ordeal; every place you get the privilege of venturing into typically has so much more to offer then the last.  This is why I’ve always been a fan of moving around a lot.  Lastly, I’m sure everyone can agree that having a multitude of jobs also brings great pleasure and to be honest, what employer doesn’t appreciate a possible candidate with an extensive list of experiences that benefits them?

With all that said, I feel like my view on life is pretty clear, don’t get tied down to optimize the chance of many exquisite opportunities.  So my question is this: having always enjoyed living my life this way, why am I now suddenly being so intrigued by the possibility of being tied down?  We’re not talking a minor anchor; it’s one that could bring the titanic to a dead stop.  And it’s not even as though the positives immensely outweigh the negatives, it’s actually quite the contrary.  Yet some how I’m still finding myself having this increasing struggle to make the right choice.  Lead by fear; is it possible to make the right decision?  When you’re so concerned about making other people happy, is it possible to obtain happiness yourself?  It’s a sticky situation, and I’m not sure there even is a right choice, but some times in life, not making a decision is making one and this is one of those times. 

A customer I had at work today was torn between the brown or the black shoes (as petty as this is as a comparison), she decided the best solution would be to flip a coin.  She wanted both equal amounts, so she stood by her wants and let that coin spin until fate decided what side it would fall on.  I envy the trust she has in the universe, her decision had been made and she knew it had landed on what was meant to be.  Perhaps I need to do the same.

Happiness and successful creativity, does it really exist?

It’s a horrendous game of tug-o-war, the battle between wanting life to be blissfully happy and needing unfortunately tragic events to happen so you have something to get creative about.  Are all successful artists meant to struggle through life, teetering back and forth atop the fence?  I’ve always been a fan of the great Justin Timberlake, however, he’s now a prime example that happiness doesn’t make good art.  Yes, feel free to argue about how he won this and that and people still love him, you will be completely correct but you can not deny that Mirrors was half as good as anything on his older albums.  The man finds the love of his life, gets married because what else are two people who are so happy together supposed to do and then makes equally happy music only to have it disappoint, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.  Another writer I know, same deal; when things go smoothly your best game isn’t showing when you attempt to be creative.  I may have just had the roughest couple weeks of my life.  Okay, not really.  I’ve literally experienced a number of weeks from hell and the comparison is slight, but it wasn’t an easy last couple of weeks.  The silver lining of it all though, I put words to text that I haven’t been able to do in almost a year, I’ve been too damn happy.  This series of unfortunate events I literally got dumped into was almost rewarding and now that I’m allowing myself to move forward from it I can feel my creativity slowly fading along with the problems.  I’ll confidently make the assumption that’s why most writers drink!  Not only does excessive drinking have the ability to cause problems, but it also makes you truly reflect, allowing magnificent pieces of art to be put together.  I’m not saying I intend on becoming an alcoholic just so I can write stuff people enjoy, I just may have to go back down the rabbit hole in one way or another.

"Just be careful.  Young writers on the rise have been known to make certain mistakes." -Hank Moody

Such an inspiration.

Inappropriate Vacations.

Guess who it is!  That's right, I'm back, again.  This is all too recurring it seems, however, I'm done apologizing for my inconsistency.  So here we are and I feel as if I could write a novel with everything that has happened in the last month and a half.  SO MUCH!  

Christmas for one, happened, obviously.  As per usual, it relished in all it's glory of amazing surprises, the biggest being my new camera which I hope you all have got the chance to look at as I've made a blog specifically for my photography.  Blah blah blah, that came and went.  I mean really, what is it that's so great about Christmas?  It generally isn't spectacular, the best part for me would probably be the time you get to spend with your family, and this year I missed the most important other half of mine.  

Following the holidays, I had something else to be excited about.  What my father found to be a very inappropriate trip back to my home town, Penticton, which I then followed up with a much needed trip to Vancouver.  Amazing doesn't even begin to explain how wonderful this trip ended up being.  Not only did I get to see my lovely best friend and beautiful 6 month old niece, but I got to revisit a place I had apparently forgotten how much I loved.

Vancouver was, in all it's glory, simply enticing.  Eight days there, was in no way even close to enough time.  I feel like there was so much more I should have been able to do, wanted to do.  Being there on this trip though, just made it crystal clear that is where I want to be.  That is where I want to try and set up camp.  I've started looking at schools, for photography.  That's what I have finally decided on.  Started my portfolio the day I got back!  We can talk about that later though, I really just want to explain all the wonderful things I encountered in Van.  

It all started with a lovely greyhound ride.  Thank god it was express and only took 5 hours opposed to the 8 hour trip I've endured in the past!  I get to the station and wasn't 100% sure which direction to go, but my bus driver did a half decent job of explaining to us all where to go.  I'll have you know, once you're inside.. there's really only one direction you can go heheh.  Which is fine, I have my "right over her head" moments all too often.  Finally I'm in a cab and on my way to HI-downtown, my place of residence and hostel for the next 8 days.  Surprisingly, it was great.  I had all these worries and doubts about staying in a dorm, but I would recommend it to anyone travelling.  To start, I didn't even have a roommate the whole time.  I was by myself for a good couple of days and then the two girls that came through while I was there, were great.  A few of the best highlights were going to the Aquarium and to see JFB, then the mindless exploring done on the side.  I had a lot of fun and it only got me more amped to come back.  If August could come any sooner, I'd be ecstatic.  Not only did I get to see a friend that I had been missing for the last 5 years, but I got reassurance that time doesn't really change anything if you've got a good relationship.  Which I have, times a few!

Coming home was sad, hard even.  I'm incredibly impulsive, and given the chance if I could have made staying work, I probably would have.  Instead, I had to be smart and realistic and come home in order to properly prepare to go back.  So here I am, sitting in my bedroom, telling stories, waiting for the summer to come.

It's not as hard to do as I like to believe it is sometimes, wait that is.  As impatient as I am, I'm also great at coming up with distractions.  Which I'm doing with my portfolio.  The amount of sifting and editing I have to do is ridiculous.  I also decided it would be a good idea to buy a ticket to Shambhala which words can also not explain how excited I am for this.  Unfortunately, sham includes more waiting.  For the summer.. 6 months.  If someone could just find me a time machine, I'd owe you forever.

trying her darn hardest to be the most patient person on the planet,
small town girl taking on the big city.

The "men" in my life!

Holy moly me oh my!  Two posts in a matter of minutes, must be one hell of a night.  Kidding, but not kidding I believe is the popular hash tag on twitter.  This is just me, looking for the opinion of anyone who would like to share.  Which do you think is the better city?

Here is my current place of residence.  The lovely Calgary.  Loyally in my life giving me exactly what I need.  Made of pure money potential, with a beautiful heart and a wide range of people to meet, Calgary is safe.  If I stayed here I wouldn't have to worry about much, family is always a hop, skip and a beat away.

Now here is the possible affair.  Vancouver in all it's glory.  A city I've only had a brief opportunity of experiencing.  The allure of Vancouver is it has the potential to be the greatest affair of the ages, offering a wide variety of chance, experience and maybe even a little danger.. but in a good way.  That way everyone craves.  Honestly, how do you compete with that?  

I believe you need to truly love as many aspects of your life to be the happiest you can be.  All the people in it, your job, the choices you make and yes, even location.  The city in which you chose to reside makes up the rest of your life and that's something you should love.  So, in the words of Damon Salvatore, (yes, I'm really going to quote a fictional character from the television show Vampire Diaries, if you want, we can get into how ridiculous that is later..) "you want a love that consumes you.  You want passion and adventure, and even a little danger", based on believing in that alone I should really just stop being a scared little girl, and jump right into Vancouver.  I guess you'll all just have to wait and see!

from that crazy girl that loves tvd so much she applies quotes from the show to real life,

small town girl taking on the big city.